Making the Pivot

Ya girl is back! At least during this lil’ December break I have from grad school and soon to be work! I am now spending my weekends resting, resetting, and taking care of myself. This includes binge watching new recommended series such as Harlem. Harlem, Episode 7 gathered my entire life in just a short scene between Camille (Megan Good) and her therapist. Camille is going through the pivot of a lifetime and has no idea where to turn. Her therapist simply states, “You can mourn the life you once dreamed of or take life as it comes”. Idk if those were the exact words but it was still the read of a lifetime HONEY!

As an anxious, perfectionist, self-deprecating Black woman, no truer words have been said. I often verbally, mentally, and physically abuse (emotional eating) myself for what I thought “should” have been. I applied to PhD programs and received rejections from all of them! I worked so hard during undergrad towards that goal and it was snatched from under me. Not to mention, my professor basically verbally beat me up because I was not performing to what she believed was my true potential.

Even though deep down I knew that track wasn’t for me, for years after and currently I still remain envious of those doing what I thought was supposed to be my life. I get down on myself for being 26 and really not completely knowing what I want my life to look like. I am 26, a teacher in a toxic ass environment, with a BA in Sociology. My degree and my current job don’t even damn match! Currently pursuing my MSW which I am expected to obtain in May 2022 and honestly have no earthly idea where I will land or completely what I want to do with it.

Like Camille, I am continuing to make pivots at the whim of life and it is frustrating, exciting, and disheartening all at once. However, the therapist is correct. As I have experienced and I know ya’ll asses might be experiencing too, continuing to mourn the life that could have been is damaging. It prevents me from enjoying my present and stifles me from reaching my true potential. Therefore, I will be on a journey to conquer these pivots while enjoying the ride. Care to join?

With Love,

Tatyana