Do not read this title and assume this is a suicide note. This is a note of self-realization. The reality is that I can’t survive NOR thrive like this! I deal with depression and anxiety like many others. Not only that, but I work a full time job as a High School Teacher during this whole panorama, I interned at a local non-profit where I still continue to volunteer, I’m in graduate school part time with assignments due across three classes weekly, and I am in a long term relationship that has hit a rough patch. Can you believe I still feel like I am not doing enough? I know you may be saying that this is an unbelievable load. Trust, I know it is. I have been burnt out for the past month or so, steadily pushing through with nothing left for myself yet giving to everyone else. All I know how to do is be a pleaser. I don’t know how to please me. I am in therapy and taking medication. I journal daily, have increased my exercise again, meditate twice a day, talk with people. All of that still doesn’t seem to be enough. The reality is I can not survive like this. Survival to me means to be able to push through the motions and not just go through the motions. Many times after my days helping others I have nothing left to will myself. I just want to be free but I understand that some of my burdens are permanent. It’s an ongoing battle that I will be fighting forever…

With Love and Pain,

Tatyana

Published by This is Tatyana

I am a new blogger, current MSW student, and a special educator. I am also someone who is battling mental health. Through this blog, my hope is to engage others in discussions regarding mental health, systemic racism, Black women and children, and the intersections of social justice and education.

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