Fear. Fear as a verb describes the act of being afraid of something or someone due to the likelihood that it is dangerous or threatening. Fear lives within all of us.

For me, fear has become self-sabatoging. Fear distances me from having any kind of faith in my capabilities. I have been living in the fear that I won’t impress others. I have been fearing that my finances will crumble. I have been fearing that my relationship will run its course. I have been fearing that my friendships will end due to me being too much to deal with.

The truth is, none of the aforementioned things are true. Yet, I still fear these things happening. I am even fearful as I write this, wondering is anybody going to read this. I’ve become so comfortable living fear’s grasp to protect myself from things that haven’t even occurred. Because for me, fear seems simpler than facing it head on and embracing it.

This fear keeps me on-guard. It creates insults out of compliments. It creates rejection in a supportive environment. And even though the fear creates the fallacies listed above, I still choose to rest inside of it instead of simply asking, “What are you hear to tell me?”. Fear has become a protection from any potential failure I may experience.

Sometimes I wonder why I am fearful of a loving and supportive environment? Why am I fearful of positive remarks, celebrating my skill sets or praising me as a person? It’s because I am fearful of what would be left if this is removed away from me. When I live in my fear, I can sabotage so I can control what affects my feelings. But, I lose everytime.

With Love,

Tatyana

Published by This is Tatyana

I am a new blogger, current MSW student, and a special educator. I am also someone who is battling mental health. Through this blog, my hope is to engage others in discussions regarding mental health, systemic racism, Black women and children, and the intersections of social justice and education.

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