It has been a while since you have been over to completely take over. And me allowing you to consume me. Then, my cousin died. You came and sucker punched me. You are still visibly upset that you have not completely taken control. You have crept in through my eating habits. You crept in through my relationship. You crept in through my insecure part and damaged my inner child. But when I was able to shun you and share my truth in my relationship, you recoiled. When I grocery shopped and have every intention to meal prep, you gasped. When I began genuinely trying to be in the moment, you scoffed. Because how could I betray you in this way? In this manner?
Darkness, it is going to take a lot more now for you to sweep me off my feet. I am in this sh*t swinging, fighting for a breathing chance to see lightness again. I can no longer fall into your arms for comfort because even that was a fallacy. You destroyed me. You prevented me from pursuing so many opportunities, growing my skillsets, pursuing love, building, and rekindling friendships. I just became so tired. So tired of the ways in which you sabotaged me every time. And to think that I saw that as love. It was never love. It was damage. Damage to my self-esteem, my self-worth, my beliefs about myself and others. I can no longer live in that. So, I have been working towards breaking myself free. I hope others will do the same.